40,000 miles and the unsolvable puzzle

note:  this post is my heart pouring over, through one of few outlets i know — my writing. i’ve always promised honesty & transparency (when possible), because i want people to know they aren’t alone, and that they matter. grab a glass of wine (or coffee, beer, tea, hot cocoa – whatever suits your fancy), and i hope you enjoy.

a rollercoaster and a puzzle. a puzzling rollercoaster. the rollercoaster puzzle. ok stick with me with here, and i’ll explain.

agh, 2017. what a time. i don’t know where to start, so i’m just going to dive on in.

‘ashley’ by big sean + miguel, and the most important ‘i love you’ is how i started my year. from there, lots of things. lighthouses. parks. disney world. engagements. babies. weddings. beaches. basketball. football.

40,000 miles traveled. 20,000 in my car, and almost 20,000 in the air. this year was full of ups and downs, and while i’d trade a few of those, i’ve learned so many amazing things about others, this crazy world and the unique people in it, and whole lot about myself.  

I read this a few days ago, and it’s really stuck w. me:

“for the highs and lows and moments between, mountains and valleys, and rivers and streams; for where you are now and where you will go, for ‘i’ve always known’ and ‘i told you so,’ for ‘nothing is happening,’ and ‘all has gone wrong,’ it’s here in this journey you will learn to be strong. you will get where you’re going, landing where you belong.”

I don’t have all of the answers in life, and i certainly don’t claim to, but in my 26 years of livin’, this year has been one for the books (i’ve probably said that in previous end-of-year blogs, but i really mean it this time!). despite some serious sadness, i had a lot of turning-the-corner moments — came into my own at my job, got my first magazine placement, built important relationships, friggin got promoted, yada yada yada. through all of that though, there were still struggles. it still presented moments of doubt, cloudiness, etc., and what i’ve learned in that, is that things can’t be perfect all the time, no matter how hard i try. we’d drive ourselves completely and totally mad if we tried to reach unattainable perfection. the best we can do is all we can do, and that’s enough. I assure you, it’s more than enough.

Our life — it’s all one enormous puzzle. I hope you find your pieces. I hope as put them together, they fit so beautifully that you’ll never have to look at them twice to be sure because you’ll just know. I hope when you build your puzzle, as time goes on, that you put each piece down with glue, so it doesn’t fall apart. Our lives, this puzzle, it’s our masterpiece. it’s our triumphs, our successes, our failures, our moments, experiences. hang on tight to the ones you want, the ones you can’t live without, no matter what. Just as i think i’m beginning to put the final pieces together for mine, i realize some are missing. but it’ll all come together, in time.

One of the biggest pieces to every one of our puzzles is love. that one relationship that keeps you from drowning everyday, that one person — your person. someday, someone’s going to choose you (and me). they’re going to choose you everyday and never, for one single second, doubt it. or you. believe that. until then, choose yourself. choose to give your love to your family and friends, who keep you afloat and bring you joy, even when you may not want it. Your day ones, the gals, guys, cousins, moms, dads, siblings, etc., who have your best interest at heart. choose them. choose adventures, that bring you to the other side of the country writing a blog about life at newport beach. choose to find the good in everything. choose happiness and joy.

I want to say thank you (especially if you’re reading this and still with me here). thank you for following me, for sending me messages, for listening to me sing (even when i’m two glasses of wine in and my shyness dissipates lol), for welcoming my loud laughter and excitement about… well, everything, for liking my pics, telling me my eyebrows rock and being kind. It doesn’t go unnoticed, i assure you. I appreciate you. you is kind, you is smart, you is important.

i’ve switched from medium to large coffees in the morning, i’m more a pinot noir than a pinot gris gal these days, and i’m re-watching gilmore girls for the 3rd time. I watched This is Us after a breakup and i would advise against that for anyone who’s heart is a little achy. You’ll just cry all. the. time. (but can’t wait for its return on JAN 9!!) the balancing of milo ventimiglia’s roles in both shows is also very challenging, but i’ve managed. first world problems.

2018 marks another year of travel, surprises, love, laughter, work, adventures, weddings, engagements, babies, and so much more. I can’t wait to see what 27 has in store (and more room for growth, wisdom, understanding, and figuring out how to be in my late 20s… WHAT?!). I can’t wait to see what life has in store for YOU! It’s going to be great. 

my boss ended her holiday card to me with ‘I just KNOW that 2018 will bring your smile back full time.’ i hope she’s right.

make the miles count. make the time count. make your love count.


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